How to say no to a rishta politely

Four rules for a kind no

• Say it soon. Within a few days of deciding. Every week of silence keeps another family waiting and hoping.
• Say it clearly. “We feel this isn’t the right match” is kind. “Let’s see” when you mean no is not.
• Keep the reason general or practical. Never criticise the person, their looks, their family or their community.
• Thank them. They shared their child’s details with you and gave you their time.

After seeing the biodata

The easiest stage to say no, and the one most often met with silence. A two-line reply is enough.

• After the biodata, simply

  Namaste [Name] ji. Thank you for sending [Name]’s biodata and for thinking of our family. We have discussed it at home and feel it may not be the right match for our [son/daughter]. We wish [Name] every happiness.

  Copy Send on WhatsApp38 words

• After the biodata, for location

  Namaste [Name] ji. Thank you for the proposal. Our [son/daughter] hopes to stay in [city] after marriage, so we feel this match may not work out. We are grateful you considered us, and wish you the very best.

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• Not ready to marry yet

  Namaste [Name] ji. Thank you so much for the proposal. Our [son/daughter] would like to focus on [studies/work] for another year before thinking about marriage, so we can’t take this forward. We hope you understand, and wish [Name] the very best.

  Copy Send on WhatsApp41 words

After a phone call

Mention the call, so they know you listened, then say no plainly.

• After a phone call

  Namaste [Name] ji. Thank you for speaking with us on [day]. It was lovely to get to know your family. After talking it over, we feel our families are looking for slightly different things, so we would not like to take it further. We wish you all the best.

  Copy Send on WhatsApp49 words

• After the two of them talked

  Namaste [Name] ji. [Our son/daughter] enjoyed talking to [Name] and is grateful for the conversation, but feels they may not be the right fit for each other. We wanted to tell you honestly and soon. Wishing [Name] every happiness.

  Copy Send on WhatsApp39 words

After meeting

Thank them for their hospitality. If you give a reason, make it about fit, never about fault.

• After visiting their home

  Namaste [Name] ji. Thank you for the warm welcome at your home and for your time. We have thought about it carefully, and feel this may not be the right match. We are grateful for your kindness and wish your family all the best.

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• After meeting, wanting different things

  Namaste [Name] ji. Thank you for the meeting. [Name] is a lovely person, but our [son/daughter] feels they want different things from married life. We thought it kinder to tell you clearly. With best wishes to your family.

  Copy Send on WhatsApp38 words

• After meeting, short and clear

  Namaste [Name] ji. Thank you for meeting us. After discussing it, we would not like to go ahead. We wish [Name] the very best.

  Copy Send on WhatsApp24 words

After several meetings, or an informal yes

The later it is, the more it calls for a phone call first and a message after, and an apology for the disappointment. It is still far easier than undoing a marriage.

• After several meetings

  Namaste [Name] ji. Thank you for all the time you have given us over these weeks. This was not an easy decision, and we are sorry to say that our [son/daughter] does not feel ready to go ahead with this match. We truly value the warmth your family has shown us, and wish [Name] all the happiness in the world.

  Copy Send on WhatsApp60 words

• After an informal yes

  Namaste [Name] ji. We owe you an apology. We said we were happy to go ahead, but after more thought our [son/daughter] does not feel this is the right decision. We know this is disappointing, and we are sorry for the trouble. We felt it was better to be honest now than later.

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From you, directly

If the two of you have been talking, it is kinder to hear it from you than through the families. Keep it short and warm.

• From you, after a few chats

  Hi [Name], thank you for the conversations these past few days. I enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t think we are the right match. I wanted to tell you myself rather than through our families. I wish you the very best.

  Copy Send on WhatsApp43 words

• From you, short and clear

  Hi [Name], thank you for your time. I’ve thought about it, and I don’t feel we are the right fit. I wish you all the best in your search.

  Copy Send on WhatsApp29 words

To the relative or matchmaker who suggested it

Thank them for thinking of you, and ask them to pass on your thanks, so nobody is left in an awkward spot.

• To the relative who suggested it

  Namaste [Name] ji. Thank you for suggesting [Name]’s family to us. We met them and they are lovely people, but we feel it is not the right match. Please pass on our thanks and best wishes to them. We are grateful you thought of us.

  Copy Send on WhatsApp45 words

• Declining through a matchmaker

  Namaste [Name] ji. Thank you for the proposal from [Name]’s family. After discussing it at home, we would not like to take it forward. Please pass on our thanks to them. We would be glad to see other suitable proposals.

  Copy Send on WhatsApp40 words

In Hindi and Gujarati

For more messages at every step, see the messages to send with a biodata.

• In Hindi, after the biodata

  नमस्ते [नाम] जी। बायोडाटा भेजने और हमें याद करने के लिए बहुत धन्यवाद। घर में बात करने के बाद हमें लगता है कि यह रिश्ता हमारे बेटे/बेटी के लिए सही नहीं रहेगा। [नाम] को हमारी ओर से ढेर सारी शुभकामनाएँ।

  Copy Send on WhatsApp40 words

• In Hindi, after meeting

  नमस्ते [नाम] जी। आपने हमें जो समय और सम्मान दिया, उसके लिए धन्यवाद। सोच-समझकर हमने तय किया है कि हम यह रिश्ता आगे नहीं बढ़ा पाएँगे। आपके परिवार को हमारी शुभकामनाएँ।

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• In Hindi, to a relative

  नमस्ते [नाम] जी। रिश्ता बताने के लिए आपका बहुत धन्यवाद। परिवार अच्छा है, पर हमें लगता है कि यह रिश्ता सही नहीं रहेगा। कृपया उन्हें हमारा धन्यवाद और शुभकामनाएँ दे दीजिए।

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• In Gujarati, after meeting

  નમસ્તે [નામ]. તમારા સમય અને પ્રેમભર્યા આવકાર માટે આભાર. ઘરમાં વાત કર્યા પછી અમને લાગે છે કે આ સંબંધ યોગ્ય નહીં રહે. તમારા પરિવારને અમારી શુભેચ્છાઓ.

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If they ask why

• You don’t owe a detailed reason. “We feel it isn’t the right match” is a complete answer.
• If you give one, make it about fit, not fault: where you hope to live, how you see family life, the timing.
• If they press, repeat it kindly: “We have thought about it carefully, and our answer is the same.”
• Don’t promise to think again if you won’t. False hope is harder on them than a clear no.

What never to say

• Anything about looks, complexion, height or weight.
• Anything about their caste, community or the family’s status.
• A made-up reason that can be checked, like “we have fixed another match” when you haven’t.
• Nothing at all. Silence is the unkindest no.

Saying no to your own parents

Sometimes the hardest no is the one at home. Your parents may like the family, or worry about the next proposal.

• Say it early, before the families have made each other promises.
• Describe what you felt. “I didn’t feel comfortable talking to him” or “we want different things” is easier for parents to accept than a flat no.
• Bring in someone they trust, like a sibling, a cousin or an aunt who can help them hear you.
• Remember whose marriage it is. A proposal you decline is easily forgotten. A marriage you were pushed into is not.